How did I get here?

'For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' Jeremiah 29:11

Me, Mason, Larsen, Chaps, Court

If you know me, you know how excited I am about some of my friends starting to have kids! All the baby "stuff" is adorable, but really it is just so fun being around little 'people'. Takes me back to my own childhood, how goofy me and my siblings were, makes me think about what our own kids will be like. But the thing that I could've NEVER expected is it has made me have massive anxiety about starting our own family, like paralyzing, opposite-of baby fever, life-analyzing fear. Not really meaning to, I kind of asked an old friend yesterday if I was nuts and this is what she wrote:

'You and Clay will know when the time is right and even after that, you'll have those "oh crap what the heck was I thinking" moments ...God is amazing and you have to trust...'

Not that I ran home and changed my mind but this gave me some much needed peace. I can relate- this is very similar to the way I feel about being a wife and my new country-ish life. Not that I had some better, different life planned for myself... I really don't plan two feet in front of me most of the time (unless we are talking about party planning). But I frequently wonder how the selfish, spoiled, immature wife I was three years ago found myself so happy doing things like cooking, taking my dogs to the park, chasing a deer on a 4-wheeler, keeping the house clean for more than two days... a far cry from my old life of tennis lessons, Nordstroms shopping and take-out. God is so good, my path was not really straight to find my dreamy cowboy and new simpler life. But she is so right, while I have had my fair share of "what was I thinking" moments, I'm really happy and have faith that God is directing our path and molding my heart. I still can't wrap my head around us having all that responsibilty but I guess it makes sense to think God is bigger than parenting... and cooking...just saying.